Absolutely love this post!! My youngest is 6 and can now hold his own in various kirby and mario games. Go back 12 months ago and he would have regular meltdowns because he kept losing or dying. My wife would berate me for introducing games to him that were 'too hard' to play blah blah blah. However one day I sat with my son and said, I know it's frustrating bud when you keep dying but if you keep practicing the game or the level you will find a way to win or maybe the game will help you win. (Some Mario games have assists or characters that make the game easier to play) So he practiced and he got good. If he does meet a brick wall then I offer to help him past it but most of the time he wants to figure it out himself.
For me problem solving and not always winning, is an important part of being resilient.
Thanks for sharing your mario kart experience with your son, it's a very heartfelt and entertaining read!!
Thank you so much, and I love reading about your experience too! I've been trying to talk through problem solving too, but right now it's more about clearing away the meltdown first -- he's not even in the mindset for next steps yet, but seeing your experience is making me hopeful that we're going to get there soon!
I've got an 11, 7, and 5yo. We've definitely had to navigate the emotional perils of our oldest beating down his siblings in an assortment of games. As much as I've tried to steer them toward cooperative experiences, their favorite genre has become same screen competitive games like Rounds, Bopl Battle, and Party Animals. I've had to frequently remind all of them that if the game has become unfun for any one person, then we need to take a break; losing is part of playing. I've also coached my oldest on how to still have fun playing against people that are significantly below your skill level, and how to make sure they're still having fun. Reminding him that he does not have to win every single match for everyone else to know that he's better at the game. It seems that his favorite thing is to play games that make him feel powerful, so I often have to reign him in when he's flexing a bit too hard on friends and family. It's even caused friction with his uncle (my older brother that only gets to visit twice a year) who has no kids and is not such a great loser.
Their introduction to games has just been immersion. Their dad and older brother play games, so they started out watching, then when it was something they liked and wanted the controller, I'd just let them have it and see what they could do. The strangest one being when my youngest at the age of 4 became obsessed with Botany Manor... he just wanted to wander around this big house and sit on all the chairs. When they were very young, we did have some decoy controllers not connected to anything that let them pretend they were playing along.
When it came to losing between the siblings, we would sometimes hit points where screams of "let me win!" could be heard across the house. And sometimes it was through no fault of my oldest, if the younger simply couldn't navigate the stage or controls well enough. The main thing is just lots of patience and reminding everyone that the point of play (at these ages) is to have fun. If we aren't having fun, maybe we switch games or find something else to do.
Great post. I was hoping to pick up some tips from this, but I've tried the 'I've been playing longer than you' and 'You just need a bit of practice' etc but my 6yo and 8yo still refuse to play Mario Kart, or anything vaguely competitive, because they can't handle losing. And I don't even mean coming last, or even coming second - if I overtake my daughter mid-lap, she puts down her controller and storms off.
It's so frustrating. I know learning to lose takes children a long time, but I want to share these games with them and play together as a family.
Man, I feel you. Sometimes it's just so hard. We really struggled with some of the harder stages in Mario Wonder -- which is both brilliant for accessibility and perhaps a bit too forgiving because I don't think it's equipped him for when it gets more difficult.
The only two bits of advice I can offer, and forgive me if you've tried both of these already:
1) Find a way where you (genuinely!) lose a bunch to model that behavior. They might only see you as the all-conquering father who never loses, which is what my son saw at first too. But he saw me race online with my friends, lose a few races, and laugh it off. Same with Mario Wonder: we chewed through lives on the special stages and I tried to show frustration (without anger), but with a determination to pick up and try again. And I've seen him carry that on in Mario Wonder, albeit not consistently, so at least I know it's somewhat sinking in!
2) Just keep playing by yourself, have a good time, and maybe they'll pick up the game again on their terms later. No pressure to play, just watch you play and enjoy!
Thanks, will definitely try those. I genuinely lose at board games and card games, particularly to my daughter who's just jammy! (I once tried cheating at Junior Monopoly to take her down a peg and she still won!)
Will try to show them that I lose as well, but I rarely get to play games until after they're in bed!
Ha! This is exactly my 5 year old. I've been slowly taking off the kid-gloves myself, though I've definitely thrown my share of Uno and Mario Kart games. That last line about him putting down the third place player hits home: The competitiveness mixed with entitlement while lacking any self-awareness. I get it, these are kids, and we talk through it, but something particularly irks me about it. I don't want to raise a psychopath, of course.
Absolutely love this post!! My youngest is 6 and can now hold his own in various kirby and mario games. Go back 12 months ago and he would have regular meltdowns because he kept losing or dying. My wife would berate me for introducing games to him that were 'too hard' to play blah blah blah. However one day I sat with my son and said, I know it's frustrating bud when you keep dying but if you keep practicing the game or the level you will find a way to win or maybe the game will help you win. (Some Mario games have assists or characters that make the game easier to play) So he practiced and he got good. If he does meet a brick wall then I offer to help him past it but most of the time he wants to figure it out himself.
For me problem solving and not always winning, is an important part of being resilient.
Thanks for sharing your mario kart experience with your son, it's a very heartfelt and entertaining read!!
Thank you so much, and I love reading about your experience too! I've been trying to talk through problem solving too, but right now it's more about clearing away the meltdown first -- he's not even in the mindset for next steps yet, but seeing your experience is making me hopeful that we're going to get there soon!
I've got an 11, 7, and 5yo. We've definitely had to navigate the emotional perils of our oldest beating down his siblings in an assortment of games. As much as I've tried to steer them toward cooperative experiences, their favorite genre has become same screen competitive games like Rounds, Bopl Battle, and Party Animals. I've had to frequently remind all of them that if the game has become unfun for any one person, then we need to take a break; losing is part of playing. I've also coached my oldest on how to still have fun playing against people that are significantly below your skill level, and how to make sure they're still having fun. Reminding him that he does not have to win every single match for everyone else to know that he's better at the game. It seems that his favorite thing is to play games that make him feel powerful, so I often have to reign him in when he's flexing a bit too hard on friends and family. It's even caused friction with his uncle (my older brother that only gets to visit twice a year) who has no kids and is not such a great loser.
How did you manage introducing the younger ones to games? Were they put off by always losing?
Their introduction to games has just been immersion. Their dad and older brother play games, so they started out watching, then when it was something they liked and wanted the controller, I'd just let them have it and see what they could do. The strangest one being when my youngest at the age of 4 became obsessed with Botany Manor... he just wanted to wander around this big house and sit on all the chairs. When they were very young, we did have some decoy controllers not connected to anything that let them pretend they were playing along.
When it came to losing between the siblings, we would sometimes hit points where screams of "let me win!" could be heard across the house. And sometimes it was through no fault of my oldest, if the younger simply couldn't navigate the stage or controls well enough. The main thing is just lots of patience and reminding everyone that the point of play (at these ages) is to have fun. If we aren't having fun, maybe we switch games or find something else to do.
Great post. I was hoping to pick up some tips from this, but I've tried the 'I've been playing longer than you' and 'You just need a bit of practice' etc but my 6yo and 8yo still refuse to play Mario Kart, or anything vaguely competitive, because they can't handle losing. And I don't even mean coming last, or even coming second - if I overtake my daughter mid-lap, she puts down her controller and storms off.
It's so frustrating. I know learning to lose takes children a long time, but I want to share these games with them and play together as a family.
Man, I feel you. Sometimes it's just so hard. We really struggled with some of the harder stages in Mario Wonder -- which is both brilliant for accessibility and perhaps a bit too forgiving because I don't think it's equipped him for when it gets more difficult.
The only two bits of advice I can offer, and forgive me if you've tried both of these already:
1) Find a way where you (genuinely!) lose a bunch to model that behavior. They might only see you as the all-conquering father who never loses, which is what my son saw at first too. But he saw me race online with my friends, lose a few races, and laugh it off. Same with Mario Wonder: we chewed through lives on the special stages and I tried to show frustration (without anger), but with a determination to pick up and try again. And I've seen him carry that on in Mario Wonder, albeit not consistently, so at least I know it's somewhat sinking in!
2) Just keep playing by yourself, have a good time, and maybe they'll pick up the game again on their terms later. No pressure to play, just watch you play and enjoy!
Thanks, will definitely try those. I genuinely lose at board games and card games, particularly to my daughter who's just jammy! (I once tried cheating at Junior Monopoly to take her down a peg and she still won!)
Will try to show them that I lose as well, but I rarely get to play games until after they're in bed!
Ha! This is exactly my 5 year old. I've been slowly taking off the kid-gloves myself, though I've definitely thrown my share of Uno and Mario Kart games. That last line about him putting down the third place player hits home: The competitiveness mixed with entitlement while lacking any self-awareness. I get it, these are kids, and we talk through it, but something particularly irks me about it. I don't want to raise a psychopath, of course.
It’s just so tough figuring out what that line is between building up their confidence and “oh no have I gone too far”
This is actually great! <3 Going to keep this in mind for when my newborn is racing in... A few? Years
Love this post, and how the lessons learned (and will continue to be learned) can resonate throughout so many aspects of life. Thanks for sharing!